I read a few pages of the sample. Here's my take:

The density of lengthy, abstract sentences is far too high. So I found the prose, while well-written at the sentence-level, unenjoyable to read in succession. I did, however, find myself thinking: "This would be fun to write!"

Keep in mind that not every sentence needs to be a "winner."

Have you read The Elements of Style? I'd recommend going through it, as I think your writing (in sum) violates their principle of "Be clear." As for the rest of their book: if you choose to deviate from their "rules," at least in those instances you'll have a strong framework for knowing when to do it, and for what reasons.

Alternatively: have you considered writing poetry? This might suit your writing preferences better.