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STUNNAGUNNA45T /r/medicalschool
-13 points
1970-01-17 12:48:31.703 +0000 UTC

Okay so I'm not technically in med school yet, but as a premed I think I'll be able to help you out. The jokers on this sub like to focus on what kinds of stuff you need to do, but not how fast you need to do it.

First things first, you need to eat. You can get a crock pot, but another name for a crock pot is a slow cooker. We want a fast cooker, or am I the only one who need to get shit done today? I recommend subsiding entirely on military MREs. These are easy to make, and will all but ensure that nobody tries to steal your food, which is a very common problem among medical students.

Secondly as others have pointed out, you also need to drink heavily. But again, sipping a session ain't gonna cut it. I recommend using one of these funnels (it's got two hoses!) and learning how to ingest your alcohol anally. You're basically a doctor now, what could go wrong? This way you can study while you're drinking.

I preached this for the MCAT Verbal section and nobody listened, but I'll say it again: you need to be training with an oxygen deprivation mask. This one might work, and it's even on amazon prime. There you go, I just saved you shipping fees. Thank me when you match into prenatal laparoscopic neurosurgery.

Go ahead and get a spoiler for your car. Besides getting you laid, it'll keep you safe. You're going to be speeding back to the hospital in 3rd year when a dramatic supermodel nurse calls you at 4am to assist in the ER to save the victims of a terrible shooting massacre (perpetrated by another, different supermodel), and the last thing you need is for some dickhole henchman on the road to take the air off your backend and pit maneuver you into a ditch. Take it from me.

This should last you for a while. Oh you'll also need some sort of planner. A palm pilot should be more than sufficient. Let me know if you have any questions.