The trauma bond is sooo hard to break. Keep trying! You'll get there. <3 Tips below:
https://natashaadamo.com/trauma-bonding/
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
List of things to do besides contact him: https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/distracting-activities/
People to call and talk to instead of him: https://nomoredirectory.org/ (they are there for emotional support, too)
That trauma bond is hard to break.
Have you read Why Does He Do That? (free pdf) yet? It's really enlightening and may help give you the perspective to fight for you and your son.
Are you able to get into trauma-informed therapy or attend a DV support group? Can you talk with a DV advocate?
Here's how to deal with coercive self-harm threats.
It's not on you to sacrifice you and your son's life to try and save him. It's his responsibility to take care of himself.
You got this.
The trauma bond really sucks, it is possible to break!
I also suggest learning more about the cycle you're caught in by reading Why Does He Do That? which you can read free here.
The trauma bond is really tough - but it can be broken!
Have you looked into trauma-informed therapy? Do you have friends you can talk to for support? How about calling a DV advocate to chat about your feelings?
Here's tips on unlearning gaslighting and breaking the trauma bond:
https://broxtowewomensproject.org.uk/its-not-your-fault-self-blame-and-domestic-abuse/
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/gaslighting-in-relationships-signs-how-to-spot/
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-to-do-when-youve-been-gaslighted
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/traumatic-bonding-break-trauma-bonds.htm
https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
The trauma bond is really hard but it is breakable. Do you have a trauma-informed therapist and/or good friends/family you can talk to? How about talking to a DV advocate? How about making an escape plan so it's there when you are ready to follow it? How about trying a book like Emotional Abuse Recovery Workbook?