Hi.

I have been through your exact same situation for many years, and you will not have to go through that as long as I did. It can and will get better!

I'm in my mid 50s, and have had a pretty severe disassociation disability for most of my life–since probably 4th grade.

The difference is, you know what is causing you trouble. My generation was very ignorant about disassociation & trauma, because it wasn't understood very well by therapists & psychology until kinda recently.

There are DBT excercises that have helped me with staying present. You can find workbooks on DBT and probably to help with disassociation on Amazon. Just the knowledge that I was 100% cognitively ok, I was just having disassociation from trauma has helped immensely. I went and got a thorough evaluation last year, because I was convinced I must have a processing disorder or learning disability, but I did not. It was a new way of looking at myself –not as a failure, but as someone whose coping mechanisms were not working for them anymore.

Try telling yourself whenever you feel insecure, that your coping mechanisms of disassociation just don't work for you now like they did in the past, but you can change that. It really does help!

Also, if people treat you badly because you are struggling, they are the messed up people, not you. If a person is having a difficult time learning a job, then the management and team should help them, not make them feel shitty about themselves. You don't wanna stay in an environment that will do that to you anyway!

Also, this bracelet to make notes on at work has helped me with my anxiety memory issues So much! I cannot recommend it enough. You just have to clean the ink off with alcohol so that it doesn't set.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B09CFP82GG?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title

You have a a really sweet future ahead, because all of the knowledge to help you is available now, as well as folks online to be a support system & encourage you. 😊